Imagine how easy parenting would be if there were a user manual or if every child came with a set of directions. Unfortunately, this is obviously not the case. Personally, figuring out how to be a good parent is an ongoing process that comes with a lot of trial and error. However, if there is one thing I have realized, it’s that everyone’s definition of what it takes to be a good parent is different. I am still working on my own definition, but here are a few of my favorite tips for surviving mommyhood.

Do not compare yourself to others or try to compete. Just be yourself. Isn’t this what we tell our children starting at a young age? So why do we, as parents, still have to remind ourselves of this? It is easy to look at other moms and think, “Wow, they have it all together,” or “How do they do it all,” and start to compare yourself with them, but that can be a slippery slope. For some moms, “having it all together” may mean you were lucky to get a shower and your children went to school with their shoes on the correct feet. Celebrate that.

It is also important to learn from each other. I always love when I am with another mother and can learn a new way to deal with a toddler meltdown or a preschool disagreement. Sometimes just hearing how someone else phrases something or watching how another mother listens can be very helpful.

Be flexible. It does not take long to learn that as parents not everything is going to go the way we hoped or planned. This starts early on when trying to set a routine for sleeping and eating only to have it interrupted by a cold or new teeth. Part of parenting is being able to adapt with the changing needs and stages of our children. Routine is very important, especially for young children, but don’t be afraid to mix it up a little. Being flexible extends beyond just the daily routine – it can also encompass how we make decisions. Giving young children, especially preschoolers, some decision-making power in what they wear, eat, and play can go a long way.

Take time for yourself. On the list of people who need to be taken care of, mom usually ends up at the bottom, but I am firm believer that I am a better parent when I have had some time to myself to recharge. Whether it is exercising, meeting friends for dinner, or just sitting in a quiet room with a book, it is important to allow yourself to “clock out.” This is probably the one tip I feel the most strongly about, but it is also took me the longest to learn. No matter how tired you are or how busy life can get, always take the time to do the things you enjoy. It may be taking an art class or training for a marathon, but having that time carved out for yourself will make you a better person, wife and mother.

I always like to remind myself there is no such thing as Supermom – none of us can do it all. Ultimately, doing what is best for our children and our families is what makes us good parents.

Liz Farrell lives in San Francisco and is the mother of two young children. She was formerly a television producer in Washington, D.C. and San Francisco. E-mail: [email protected]