As parents, it only takes one incident to make us stop and think about how precious our children are and how important it is to keep them safe. Between news reports of several recent abductions, and witnessing a few recent incidents at our local park, I have come to realize how quickly events can happen even if there are plenty of adults around. These recent events made me realize I could no longer put off the “stranger danger” conversation with my own young children. After speaking with a number of people much better versed in the topic, there are a number of key highlights that I wanted to share.

Inform without scaring: I have found that a great way to start a conversation with my children about a certain topic is to read a related book to start the dialog. For this topic in particular, there are some wonderful books for all age groups about safety and strangers. We are in a major Bernstein Bears phase in our house, so I lucked out with The Bernstein Bears Learn about Strangers, which does a good job of explaining the difference between safe and unsafe strangers. Young children can get scared easily, so it is best not to run through every doomsday possibility of what could happen. However, it is important to have an honest conversation about what to do if they can’t find you or if someone they do not know approaches them. We had a situation recently where a group of people came up to my daughter and started taking her picture and wanting to hug her. I saw a look of shear terror on her face and told her that if someone does something that makes her feel uncomfortable, whether it is harmless or not, she needs to yell, run away and come tell me immediately.
                 
Make the information and conversation age appropriate: A police officer once told me that as soon as your children can talk they should learn about safety and how to avoid dangerous situations. One of the biggest reasons I put off talking to my children is that I didn’t know what to tell them, or when. According to the National Crime Prevention Council, most children by the age of 4 should know their full name, their parents’ names, and their address and phone number. They should also know when and how to use 911. In our house, we tried coming up with a catchy tune to help them remember our different phone numbers. In the meantime, it is a good idea to write the information on a card and stick it in their jacket pockets or lunchboxes.
                 
The danger does not go away as children get older, especially now with all the information shared on the Internet. Different ages bring different challenges, so unfortunately this is not a conversation you can have once and then never have again.
                 
Empower your child: Our children are always watching and learning from us. The old adage of “don’t talk to strangers” is confusing for young children to grasp when they see us saying hello to someone on the street or talking to the clerk at the store. Instead of focusing on what not to do, give your children the tools they need to handle a situation. The Polly Klaas Foundation has a great child safety kit and one of the recommendations that I really liked was to play the “what if” game. This can be done with children of all ages. I tried this recently with my own children at the grocery store. I asked, “What if you couldn’t find me in the store – what would you do?” We talked about how to find a safe person to ask for help. They liked our “game,” and I noticed it gave them the confidence of knowing how to handle the situation.
                 
The reality is that we live in a time when we, as parents, have to be vigilant. We will not be able to shelter our children from everything, but we can give them the rules and tools to make them feel safe.

Liz Farrell lives in San Francisco and is the mother of two young children. She was formerly a television producer in Washington, D.C. and San Francisco. E-mail: [email protected]