I know how busy you are. We all have far too much to do. (So how come you’re reading this? Is this really the best use of your time right now? Don’t you have better things to do than to sit around, hoping I’m going to provide the answer to all your life’s problems? But I digress …)

Let it be said at the outset that I, like many, was absent the day they taught Humility 101. As the only son of a doting mother, I came to believe that I was a precious sphere among mere circles – in the words of Nabakov, “a crystal among glass.” Never doubting the successful conclusion of any enterprise I began, I somehow remain a shining example of Hope over Experience. That arrogance and pomposity has served me well at times, not so well at other times. Oh yes, I’ve run into plenty of concrete walls, stumbled here and there, suffered more than the requisite number of collapsed relationships, landed on my nose. Often I’ve fallen short of my envisioned goal. Yet I stubbornly remain unreasonably optimistic.

Young people expect that those of us who have somehow survived into old age become wise and moderate. Ha! Only we who are actually here know how ill founded that surmise is. I still make decisions grounded in unproved assumptions, am still often plagued by doubt. Much of what I try to do is based on guesses and hopes. Amazingly, I’m still surprised when things don’t always turn out as I want them to. Like you, I travel with an incomplete map that doesn’t reveal the pitfalls and barriers that lurk ahead, waiting to frustrate my plans. Too many of the cards I need to see are still face down on the table.

Is the universe friendly or hostile? Are other people basically good or evil? As I pursue the ever-elusive goal of happiness, I find that my life is more enjoyable if I come down on the side of optimism. Fantasy, you say? All of my life’s best realities began with fantasy. All vacation trips begin with fantasy. Were I to build a dream house, it would have to start with a dream. Beginning a new job, moving to a new location, starting a new relationship – or retooling an old one – everything that I hope to find valuable begins with fantasy.

Do I realize it’s fantasy? I’ve managed to stay out of the hands of therapists so far by being able to recognize the difference between reality and the dream. Applying magical thinking to the real world most often ends in disappointment, failure or disaster. But unshackling my mind, allowing it to roam freely, it makes up things. It imagines what is not yet. That’s the first step to creating something new. If I can visualize an outcome and identify the obstacles to achieving it, plot the campaign, plan the steps, I’m well on my way to making it happen.

When something I desire seems possible to me, I feel a resurgence of energy. Boredom is banished, and my creativity is engaged once again. Who doesn’t like new beginnings? Imagining something new rekindles my courage, my confidence, my sense of aliveness. If I choose to pursue that fantasy, I know I’m closing other options, but I’m also starting on my next adventure.

The 13 steps up to my flat get steeper. Computer type sizes get smaller. My fingers have lost some of their dexterity. My aging body continues to surprise me with unanticipated twinges. But my body is older than I am! Internally I can still find enthusiasm, curiosity, rich memories, and plans for the future. More often than not, I choose to notice what’s inside.

I’m constantly confronting choices. This road or that? Work today or play?Waffles or bacon and eggs? Read the book or watch the new Netflix? Exercise or rest? But I also frequently need to deal with larger, life-shaping alternatives. Wringing my hands, blaming, viewing with alarm, enumerating pitfalls, collecting grievances – these all seem like lesser choices to me. Expecting things will get better, that I’ll still find some of the joys I’m seeking, that the sun will rise tomorrow – these seem like a better path. I choose Hope.

Hank Basayne is a San Franciscan, a minister, a writer and an incurable optimist.
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