Caring For Our Kids
Are iPhones the new toddler pacifier?

The iPhone has been around less than three years, but for many of us it is hard to imagine life without it. I use it as my phone, to check e-mail and Facebook, and keep up with news throughout the day. Now my children have also fallen in love with it, which got me thinking – how can we as parents manage this technology without letting it control our lives?

For parents, these devices come in very handy and Apple is very cognizant of this, which is why their App Store has more than 1,000 downloadable apps just for kids. The size and simplicity of the device make it very easy to throw in a purse or diaper bag and voila, you have instant entertainment at your fingertips. For many of us, it is hard to imagine an airplane ride, a trip to the dentist, or even grocery shopping without our “secret weapon.”

When your toddler is having a meltdown at the grocery store or in a restaurant, how do you handle it? I know we are guilty of giving ours the phone – it saves a scene and keeps everyone happy. But I do not want them to think that with every meltdown we are going to give them the phone. So in our house, we try to strike a balance by setting limits and rules. Here are a few simple ones that might be helpful in your house also.

First, protect the device and the information on it. Before you hand over a $500 phone to your child to “play” with, make sure you have a protective case and a screen protector. This will help guard against the inevitable launch across the room and sticky fingers. I also have mine password protected so there are no accidental Facebook updates or calls made. Even though we have young children, I still set up the parental controls to keep them from using the Internet, YouTube, the camera, or downloading music (you would be amazed at how much even a 2-year-old can figure out). Common Sense Media, a nonprofit here in San Francisco, is a great resource for parents and their website (www.commonsensemedia.org) has an easy-to-follow video for parents on how to set up these controls.

Second, model good habits. In their tips, Common Sense Media reminds parents that habits form quickly and if children start associating going to restaurants or driving in a car with playing games on your phone, it will be difficult to transition out of that behavior. Even more important than that, your children are watching and learning how you use the device. Do you use it while you are driving, at the dinner table, or zone out while they are trying to get your attention? These are all behaviors they are watching and will begin to model, so be your own best example.
Third, make sure the apps are age-appropriate. Two websites that I reference regarding downloads are www.commonsensemedia.org and www.iphone4kids.net. Both sites give a detailed review with age recommendations and a snapshot of what the app looks like. You can also read reviews by other parents, which is very helpful. Take the time to explain how the game is played – children who understand what they are doing are less likely to get easily frustrated.

Finally, establish technology-free zones. In our house, there are no computers or phones allowed at the table. We were recently out to dinner in the Marina, where the parents at a nearby table were enjoying a glass of wine while their toddler was enjoying dinner and a Thomas the Train movie on an iPhone. Part of me was envious for the calm and contentment at their table, but a bigger part of me thought how sad when dinner out is no longer sacred. I grew up in a family where we all ate dinner together most nights, but I am the first to admit that with busy schedules and long work days, family dinners – especially with young ones – are hard to come by. Driving is another one of our technology-free zones. Even though it is illegal, some people still are texting or checking e-mail while driving. With young children in the car, there are already plenty of distractions without adding to them.

By following these few simple tips, you can still feel like you are the one parenting and teaching, not your iPhone. Our own children are young, so this is our first attempt at managing the technology that is out there. We still have a lot to learn and many more challenges to come, but by striking a balance, I know we will be able to make good decisions. For every new app that is downloaded, there will also be plenty of time spent reading books, playing with Play-Doh, and running outside.

Liz Farrell lives in San Francisco and is the mother of two young children. She was formerly a television producer in Washington, D.C. and San Francisco.