GIANTS OPENING DAY: THE BARRY AND BRIAN SHOW

Clyde forgot that no one in San Francisco works on Giants opening day. For baseball fans (or even haters), it’s a day off. Clyde was doing his usual rattling of the 94123 cages trying to find out what was going on, Marvin Gaye style. But, after several phone calls and e-mails, the story was the same: folks were either going to the game, going to a bar to watch the game, going to an opening day party, or simply not working. Why work when the boss is getting looped in a luxury box? What is it that capitalism doesn’t understand on opening day: the “buh” part or the bye part? Because everyone has some kind of “you can tell it goodbye” moment – opening day in April always makes for a day of hooky.

 

So Clyde made sandwiches from the cold cuts of master butcher Terry Bloom of Real Food Company (3060 Fillmore Street at Filbert, www.realfoodco.com, 415-567-6900), hopped on his bike, and started peddling down to the park. But Clyde’s phone rang. An NBC news producer was on the line, “Uncle Clyde, I’m at the Bonds trial on verdict watch.” Clyde joined the stakeout of snappers, scribbler, and cameramen in front of the courthouse. Clyde had missed Barry’s arrival at the courthouse. He has to be in court when the jury requests to be read testimony or, in this case, hear king-snitch Steve Hoskins’s secret recording of Bonds allegedly admitting steroid use. With friends like Steve Hoskins, who needs Judas?

“I think he walks,” said Clyde to his producer friend.

“Same here,” sighed the producer, “and they’ve spent millions.”

Fifty-five million dollars to be exact, while white-collar felons, drug dealers and other scum of the earth are not being prosecuted. Clyde’s friends in law enforcement all wanted Bonds to go down, saying he lied. That’s it. You lie to a grand jury, you pay the price. Clyde gets it. But at the end of the day, the feds didn’t get him on perjury, they got him on obstruction of justice, which really just means uncooperative testimony, and Bonds will not spend one minute in jail, not even fifty-five million seconds.

It was a surreal scene down at court on Giants opening day. The CBS cameraman had the Giants KNBR broadcast on the radio. Bonds was in court when Clyde arrived. The journalists on stakeout were the only ones who weren’t heroin addicts on Turk and Larkin in front of the Phillip Burton Federal Courthouse. Then, Barry came out and the flashbulbs popped as cameramen jostled for position to get shots of the Homerun King as he got into his car. Clyde forgot to ask Bonds if he’d rather be at the ballpark or at home watching the game on TV, but logic dictates he would rather have been doing so.

Clyde peddled through junkie land to McCovey Cove. Sad Clyde had no ticket. But with Terry’s deli meats and John Miller and Dave Flemming on the radio, who cared? Giants closer, Marina resident, and The Grove (2250 Chestnut Street at Avila, 415-474-4843) regular Brian Wilson was on the mound by the time Clyde got there. Clyde’s spies say Wilson usually does crossword puzzles at the Chestnut Street coffeehouse during the season, especially before night games. A lot of Giants live in and around 94123 because we have the class to leave them alone. Let’s continue this practice. Autographs are lame and several of the Giants (like Pat Burrell) are camera shy. Let’s leave them alone and enjoy them as neighbors. Anyway, back at the ball game: Wilson imploded and legions of Giants fans whined about it because half our fan base is whiners (Kimo Aloha, Clyde’s Hawaiian friends say they can hear the Giants fans’ whines in Honolulu), but the Giants won on opening day. Please read more about opening day from our new Marina Times sports guy, Mr. Steve Hermanos, who is way more Red Smith than Clyde could ever dream of being.

HEY 94123, MEET YOUR NEW TRAINER

After the tawdry testimony about Barry Bonds’s trainer Greg Anderson and hearing current Giants trainer Stan Conte’s testimony that the MLB was awash in ’roids, it’s so nice to meet the real thing. Yes folks, Nathan Freebody (2001 Van Ness Avenue at Jackson, Suite 404, www.nathanfreebody.com , 415-640-2367) operates his own massage business and he is the furthest thing from steroids. He got the idea when he was working out near the Bay. “With all the cyclists and runners at Crissy Field, I just fell in love with the active California lifestyle.” He and his wife recently arrived here from Grafton, Australia (near Brisbane, New South Wales) and while exercising, he saw a business opportunity, which makes his massage different from what Clyde calls frou-frou massage. “Massage in California is stylized, kind of fluffy,” says Nathan. “It’s not therapeutic with any long-lasting affect. So what I hope to do is try to educate San Franciscans on the benefits of therapeutic massage.”

Nathan played rugby, cricket and basketball in Oz, and is all too familiar with sports injuries. The first thing he tells clients is “listen to your bodies.” Then, comes Nathan’s diagnosis: “This is what’s wrong; this is why you’re in pain. These are the things we can try to do to take you out of pain.” Clyde has had three knee surgeries, but still rides his bike and plays tennis. Nathan showed Rafa Nadal Clyde why his knee swells up after tennis, first on a human body chart on the wall, and then he got on the ground to “roll” the knee, which basically loosens up the tissues and muscles around the knee, meaning less swelling après tennis for the Clydester. Nathan talked about the big picture aspect of what he does: “This is what we can do to try to keep the pain from coming back. I’m all about keeping people pain free, ending bad habits, and giving them information to keep themselves out of pain.” Clyde now rolls his knee before tennis and the swelling isn’t as bad. Nathan is the man.

One client told Nathan, “You’re not just slapping on the oil, are you?” He hears from other happy customers, “I can run now,” or “I can bike all weekend.” This is because Nathan studies your muscle patterns, your strengths and weaknesses. He will tell you how to listen to our body and help you diagnose it and create a program to treat it. The man truly loves his work and gets a lot of satisfaction from it. “If you’re making a difference in someone’s life, they’re going to want to come back. They feel fantastic!”

Clyde asked, “Why do you do it?”

The affable Australian beamed, “To help people make that change from pain cycle to pain free. This is basically about trying to help people.” He knows he’s not going to become a millionaire, but simply loves to help us active 94123ers feel better. What a concept!

GHIRARDELLI SQUARE IS NOT JUST FOR TOURISTS

 

How many times does Clyde have to tell you all this? All businesses here want the locals, and that means you. Take the culinary mind of The Pub at Ghirardelli Square (851 Beach Street at Larkin, www.thepubsf.com, 415-351-0500) owner Scott Broccoli; he’s all about the neighborhood. A while ago, Scotty told the Clydester about his buffalo bleu mac and cheese, a creation hatched in the morning after one too many Budweisers the night before. Clyde and photog Luisa Rosadas wolfed one down – mac and cheese with bleu cheese sprinkles and that famous tangy buffalo wing sauce!

Now Scotty’s told Chef Clyde about another creation: “My wife and I just had a kid, and during her pregnancy, she had a Big Mac attack. I said, ‘No way. Too unhealthy.’”

“So, what did you do?” asked Clyde.

“I got in the kitchen and made her one. I split the bun. Pickles, special sauce, lettuce, cheese … just like the ones we ate when we were kids, when Mickey D’s was more healthy.”

Well, the trend caught on. Scott and his wife were friendly with four other pregnant couples, and he started making his homemade Big Macs for them, too. Then the light bulb moment hit, and Chef Scott figured why not sell the burger at his G-Square Pub? Yes, folks the P Mack is an awesome munch and it’s selling like crazy.

Scott’s daughter, Luciana, was born about 20 weeks ago and mom and daughter are healthy.

The P Mack is also made in the form of sliders, which Clyde had and they’re very tasty. Want to guess the name of the sliders? Little Lucca Sliders. So if you’re on the 30 or 45 Muni coming back from the ballpark, remember that The Pub is open until 1:30 a.m. Scott also welcomes Giants fans for any game, any time. Heck, he’ll even let Yankee fans come in. Now, there’s a real neighborhood guy!

McCormick and Kuleto’s (corner of Beach and Larkin, www.mccormickandschmicks.com, 415-929-1730) executive chef Liz Ozanich loves seafood and has loved seafood since growing up on the Oregon coast crabbing and fishing. She’s another culinary genius at the Square, and Friend-of-Clyde Liz is totally stoked about king salmon season, which started May 1. After a two-year hiatus, fisherman can fish all the way up to Point Arena near the Oregon border and get us the now-unendangered delicacy! The McCormick’s menu changes daily, so Chef Liz will rock your world just about any day this month with some kind of really, really tasty salmon dish. Pop on in and treat yourself.

The Pub’s Scott loves the Uncorked Festival (Ghirardelli Square, 900 North Point at Larkin, Saturday May 21, 1 p.m.–6 p.m.) because Beach Street gets closed off and “people gotta eat; they get sick of eating cheese and crackers and need something filling.” The Pub is on Beach Street, so Scott is loving it. In fact, all the G-Square merchants love the wine festival because it brings in bodies, and for some reason it’s one of the last days of sun before the June gloom. Friend-of-Clyde and Ghirardelli Square marketing manager Brittany Enos really works hard to have the finest wines for you to taste, so reward her hard work and show up for a little fun and vino in the sun.

MEMORIAL DAY AT THE PRESIDIO

Don’t forget to honor the men and women who have died for the freedoms we have today. There’s a parade up at the San Francisco National Cemetery in the Presidio starting at 10:30 a.m. on Monday, May 30, then an array of speakers from Vietnam vets to politicians pandering for votes take the stage. It’s a mayoral election year, so the gang will all be there. Funny, last year Clyde saw some progressive supervisors there. The lefties got severe stink-eye from the JROTC because the geniuses wanted to cancel their after school program. Why? Because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which, if you know any teens, isn’t on their radar screen. Teens are just figuring out their sexuality. Although don’t ask, don’t tell was rescinded, the progressives will still get stink-eyed and Clyde will love every second of it. Happy Memorial Day!

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