If you want to get things done

A couple years ago, a truck rammed into a traffic light at the intersection of Franklin and Vallejo Streets, causing the light to spin 180 degrees. As cars flew down Franklin Street, as they often do, they were confronted with a green light and a red light at the same time. I called 911 to report this extremely dangerous situation, but the problem wasn’t fixed until the next day.

On a separate occasion, I called 311 to report dangerous potholes on Franklin Street. As a motorcycle driver, I know that potholes can be lethal. It took two weeks for the potholes on Franklin Street to be fixed, yet, as we all know, many more dangerous potholes remain throughout San Francisco — some even large enough, it seems, to sprout exotic plants and trees!

What to do, I pondered. I got my answer the day I went to Chinatown for a haircut. Returning to my car just two minutes after the meter expired, I found a $65 ticket on my windshield. The realization was startling — we have the wrong people running our city! Fire the mayor and his cronies and put the Department of Parking and Traffic (DPT) in charge of San Francisco. Those folks really know how to deal with things with rapid efficiency!

Actually, the formidable San Francisco Department of Parking and Traffic, as it was once known, doesn’t really exist anymore. Since 2010, it was merged into the San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency and is now part of Sustainable Streets Division, led by Tom Maguire. According to its website, “The Parking Team generates over $85 million in gross annual parking revenues.” It’s pretty clear that those approximately 275 SFMTA employees driving around on their Cushman Model III’s are no ordinary employees. They’re committed, steadfast, dedicated, tenacious, uncompromising, obstinate, unrelenting, and seemingly incorruptible workers. Sounds exactly like the type of employee we want running San Francisco—if you want to get things done.

Don’t believe me? Just for fun, try parking in a 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. tow-away zone and watch what happens at 4:01!

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